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Life is Not a Solitary Sport: Fostering Perseverance

by Dr. Ashley Taylor, Child and Adolescent Specialty Services

June 26, 2014

How do we, as parents, foster perseverance in our children?  Of course, we want them to be successful and achieve their goals. So many kids (and adults) give up once things start to get a little difficult.  Why do we give up so easily? Are we lazy? Or are we afraid of failure, of making mistakes and of looking silly? I know I am.  How do we find the courage to allow ourselves to make mistakes and to fail? It's not easy.

I recently came across an article about Diana Nyad, the 64-year-old woman who swam 110 miles from Cuba to Florida without a shark tank. Ok, so, yeah, I'd say that takes some perseverance. When I was thinking about helping our kids persevere I was thinking about helping them finish tonight's homework or train for that track meet. When I was thinking about helping ourselves persevere, I was thinking about how we can get through the day with maybe only one or two meltdowns, not swim 110 miles across shark infested waters. But, hey, talk about inspiring!  The article that can be found here explains Nyad's three messages:

  1. Never, ever give up
  2. You're never too old to chase your dreams
  3. It looks like a solitary sport, but it is a team

I know she is talking about swimming, and specifically swimming 110 miles in shark infested waters (and did I mention the jellyfish?) but I think these messages can apply to all of us. No matter where we are, or what we are doing in our lives, these three thoughts can keep us going. I especially like #3. It is so easy to feel as though we are alone in whatever we are trying to achieve, whether it is being a good parent, achieving athletic success or gaining financial freedom.

I know as a new mom I have often felt that I need to do everything from cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping (not cooking-because I refuse), keeping my job and oh yeah, actually finding time to enjoy my little guy on my own. I often have to remind myself that I am not in this alone. That by being a parent I am participating in a team sport and we can rely on each other to get everything done. In my opinion, perseverance starts there, realizing that I have support around me and that support will be there in my good times and bad. Start by finding your team whether it is in your partner, friends, parents, grandparents, sisters or brothers.

In order to foster perseverance in our little ones, we need to find it within ourselves and model it for them through the way we live our lives. Not being afraid to make mistakes, not living in fear of looking silly and not worrying about failure. Easier said than done-I know.

For more information and specific tools to increase perseverance check out these cool resources-and remember, life is not a solitary sport!!

The Wonder of Children

Moments a Day

Parents

A Mighty Girl

Mindset, by Carol Dweck, Ph.D

Dr. Ashley is a licensed psychologist at her private practice, Child and Adolescent Specialty Services in Pasadena. She works with young children, teenagers and families providing individual, family and group therapy. Dr. Ashley works with children suffering from anxiety disorders including Selective Mutism and performance anxiety in student athletes. You can contact her directly at dr.taylor617@gmail.com. 

Please note: Nothing in what you find here should be construed as medical advice pertinent to any individual. As is true with all written materials, and especially information found on the internet, you must be the judge of what appears valid and useful for yourself. Please take up any questions you might have regarding the content of this website with your psychotherapist or physician.