November, an entire month dedicated to giving thanks – one of my favorite things about Fall. In a day and age where entitlement often takes center stage, being thankful and showing gratitude are important to teach.
Gratitude is a difficult concept for young children to understand because they are inherently self- centered. Laying the foundation early for helping kids appreciate what they have can help prevent a sense of entitlement. -which can lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Gratitude is not something we are born with. It is something we are taught.
What you can do:
Saying Thanks – Teach your kids to say “thank you” consistently – when handed something, when helped, when served. Go around the table before dinner and have each family member say what they are most thankful for. Make a habit of writing thank you notes together after birthdays. Done early and routinely, these are the building blocks to important life skills such as empathy and gratitude.
Doing Thanks– There is nothing that teaches more than doing. Kids of all ages can be given the experience of volunteering and giving to those less fortunate. Try working together to collect old clothing and toys for donation. Participate in a toy drive during the holidays and let your child pick the toy. Have your kids put some of their own money aside to buy a little gift for a child in need.
Modeling Thanks– Let your kids see you showing appreciation. This makes it more natural for kids to pick up the habit because it is part of their everyday language and experience. A simple statement on how much you are enjoying the beautiful sunset or an expression of gratitude when your little one gives you a warm hug is enough to make gratitude part of your culture at home.
Feeling Thanks – Empathy, one of the cornerstones of appreciation is a complex concept. In order to understand someone else’s emotions you have to be able to understand and identify your own. Helping your little ones identify their own feelings is the first step. The second step is to help them understand another person’s feelings. Look for opportunities to explore and guess the emotions of others – characters in fun family movies, during role-plays at home, or guessing feelings of peers at play at the park.
Praising Thanks – Does this sound familiar? You slave over the stove by making a homemade meal and the first thing your child does when you set his plate in front of him is complain. Of course, you hand over a stern reminder of how hard you worked and how a thank you is in order. Unfortunately that doesn’t always produce the desired outcome: kids that are truly grateful. There is nothing wrong with letting your child know how it feels for you when they complain. However, it will go much further in teaching appreciation to positively reinforce the times they are thankful too.
Daily Thanks – November and the holidays do not have to be to the only time of year we express our gratitude. It is the non-holiday months when selflessness and gratitude is often needed most. Make it a family ritual every day to say what each person is most grateful for. Encourage older children and teens to keep a gratitude journal – a daily exercise in giving thanks.
November, the month of gratitude is an opportunity to start new traditions, relive old ones and generate a culture of empathy throughout the year. Gratitude and appreciation makes us happier and more optimistic and is an essential skill to have as our children grow up to be responsible citizens of the world.
Additional reading:
"An Awesome Book of Thanks" by Dallas Clayton
Vicki Chiang, Psy.D. (PSY21136) is a licensed clinical psychologist at the Institute for Girls’ Development in Pasadena, CA. She specializes in working with parents, children and immigrant families in her practice. She can be reached at vchiang@instituteforgirlsdevelopment.com.
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